Presidential Shwag!

Well, Montenegro is now a 'new' country. As the world globalizes and wide unions form from Europe to Asia and Latin America -- southeast Europe, in fine Balkan fashion, continues to fragment. And guess what, it aint' over yet baby. No, the fat lady hasn't even begun to sing.

The thing i like most about all this fragmenation stuff is that i appear much more intelligent than i really am. Way back when I could only say i spoke two or three languages. Now, as countries continue to spar over their identities, cultures, and ancient borders i seem to pick up a new language every few years. Before it was straight forward, I speak Serbo-Croatian. Then the Croats and Serbs gave it go and shabam! I speak Croatian and Serbian. Then the Serbs decide to give Bosnia a go and poof! I speak Croatian, Serbian and Bosnian.

When the Kosovo crisis was astir in 1998 I can remember sitting in Podgorica with Minister of Social Welfare, Dragisa Burzan. He is an English educated politician who i found quite kind and sort of down to earth. When we met to discuss the influx of refugees to Plav, an isolated part of northern Montenegro that borders with Kosovo and Albania, he asked me which language I preferred to speak in. I naively replied, 'It's all the same to me Mr. Minister, Serbian is fine though.' His eyebrows sort of scrunched together and with a gentle smile he added, in English, 'Let's speak in Montenegrin then!'

And so it is. Montenegro becomes the newest member of the growing European community. More power to 'em i say. The sad thing is, though, Montenegrin leadership, like most countries in the region...is, for lack of a better phrase, a warlord gang. Milo Dukanovic, who is flaunted by the likes of Mr. Solana of the EU, was a pro-Milosevic nationalist who rallied Montenegrin troops to set Dubrovnik alight, destroy east Mostar, and send tens of thousands of Bosnian Muslims from eastern Herzegovina fleeing.

After things settled down in Bosnia, Milo got clever. He apologized for Montenegro's participation in the war. Sincere or not, its unheard of a balkan male to say sorry, let alone admit they actually were responsible for their own actions. He turned his focus to the power grab in Montenegro and to edge out Milosevic's buddy, a bid headed, big haired Bulatovic. Of course to maintain power one needs money and monopolies. So, first things first, alcohol and cigarettes. If you control that, you control the hearts and minds of most Montenegrins.

Then came fuel and then, get this, the drugs. Yup, the Albanians love to produce and smuggle drugs - but they never ever consume them. The borders into Europe were getting more and more confusing and difficult and they found a lovely new path -- marijuana via Montenegro and the hard stuff via Croatia. The hard stuff was supposed to get to the EU, but young Croats, living under the Tudman regime, found a way to escape the reality of his fascist regime. Thanks to Franjo, Milo, and the Albanians, Dalmatia is now wrought with countless herion addicts hanging out in misery on the Adriatic coast. But we won't talk about that now. Let's get back to Milo.

So we get this shwaggy, dirt weed from Albania sent to us by the President of Montenegro. Gotta love it. Who's gonna arrest you when the president gave it to you? But Milo has 'changed' his ways. He has taken speech lessons from the Americans and boy oh boy has he recieved the golden tongue award. Not only is he King of Hill of the youngest country in Europe, he has a fortune to lean back on. And i didn't even get into bank laundering of Italian mafia money on the Montenegrin coast.

So click one more off the list of Yugoslavia and click one onto the map of Europe. Kosova is next. And it won't be pretty. Serbia just may come the Beogradski pasaluk. Jebi ga, tako je zivot nekad.